Once upon time I said meditation was something utilitarian...reduces stress, good for focus, etc... as if those were bad things, but generally dismissive...
Even though this very special 🙏 professor reminds me in you. He could read my mind. Demonstrated.
I once looked up at him in his house after he showered or something... And his eyes scared me in a way that I looked away but wish I'd looked more carefully.
I've had people tell me too that my eyes are "scary."... Of course not a dark person... Well, except drinking, but...
I will keep reading, listening... But the whole "death bardo" omg....
Do you you just expect the worst and try to relax? Then again, I could've been born in N Korea or enslaved...
I've been called the Golden Child, literally...in my University days...
Searching and seeking can take many forms. Even drinking is a form of seeking, because we get glimpses of who we really are. Of course, it should also be recognized that drinking is a form of violence against our own life. We need to be careful as we seek, careful in what we do and careful to protect our mind. All these forms of seeking are really a way to get past those things that are holding us back from discovery. It's all important as we prepare to establish a foundation for our Spiritual Path. Once we are ready, great compassion arises and we give ourselves a break, we establish Bodhicitta, then build it in the most strong way possible, by simply looking at everything as realistically as possible.
Thank you for your message. I hope my diatribes or questions inspire you to say whatever... I respect you and understood the concept, "be a light unto yourself," Lao Tzu and other things...lazy, hedonistic...but "spiritual" in my own way...
But finally, when I stop drinking or "taking/seeking enjoyment in life"...
On one hand, "I'm here," so "live it up," but then it's all zero in the end...
"Die before you die," but can you call this inspirational? Lol
Reality OMG basically?
Death bardo... So it's all not dust and nothing... So then?...
I have called myself J Buddha or even Masta Buddha -- well, an aspiration anyway ...
My search into "what is this life" has been exceptional. But while I want to help others, I think, "my hands are empty."
And, psychedelic investigation included ... I had a "death experience," once upon a time, feeling some "heaviness," then feeling - AND resisting - a kind of going into a void, my identity being stripped away....and thinking "even if I survive this - this is *not good* and I will be actually finished eventually ... Profound sickness, etc ... But having some communion with the birds and poetics later ...
And then, another time, just a really strong feeling if merging with everything, but at the same time "I want to be me, this individuation...". I could imagine "blissful merging," but I want to be ME still...
For background I was a student of philosophy academically, and in life, and my grades were perfect, and I've been rebellious...so I've had some glimpses, sense that "oneness" is the culmination...(But dust to dust or light unto light?)...either way, my individuation -- as strong as it is, de-countrinized and un-doctrinated...will be lost.
But my hands are empty. A bit of frisson, yes, a bio-electricity...moreso when I'm not inebriating myself...
But the whole meditation thing or "I have to do something"...hmmm
You seem to remember being a frog...wow...I can't even remember my own/this life in immaculate detail...
I decided that memories were not something important to hold on to and to be a kind of Jedi in the present moment, and yes I have done well in unorthodox ways ...
From a previous one of yours...I'll check again, etc ... I want to believe that everything is ok in the end. Of course when we look around it is animals eating each other and human hostility...each against the other... can't we all just get along? And if only everyone was like me in the important respects.
The "concept" of "doing meditation" makes sense, but at the same time "who wants to do that?"
But it seems important to become familiar or adjusted to nothing in particular, non-craving and abidingness, even in a zero-ness..
As I hope to stop (again) drinking alcohol. I know, bad habit. Not helpful.
But then, I can think, but what does it matter, so it's all a bit complicated.
You recently said something, this too, that spoke directly to me. I was made aware of death and was a "pastor's kid" from the beginning, and I have been absolutely preoccupied with death and meaning my whole life, with grand ideas, too, of being a "spiritual leader," lol. But not laughing
The dark road of philosophy, in the quest for wisdom, not based on "wishful thinking," led to and concluded more or less with Arthur Schopenhauer/Real Skeptics (as in "I don't know," not cynical).
Once upon time I said meditation was something utilitarian...reduces stress, good for focus, etc... as if those were bad things, but generally dismissive...
Even though this very special 🙏 professor reminds me in you. He could read my mind. Demonstrated.
I once looked up at him in his house after he showered or something... And his eyes scared me in a way that I looked away but wish I'd looked more carefully.
I've had people tell me too that my eyes are "scary."... Of course not a dark person... Well, except drinking, but...
I will keep reading, listening... But the whole "death bardo" omg....
Do you you just expect the worst and try to relax? Then again, I could've been born in N Korea or enslaved...
I've been called the Golden Child, literally...in my University days...
I commune with the Universe...
So it's not like I'm...
But and still....
Searching and seeking can take many forms. Even drinking is a form of seeking, because we get glimpses of who we really are. Of course, it should also be recognized that drinking is a form of violence against our own life. We need to be careful as we seek, careful in what we do and careful to protect our mind. All these forms of seeking are really a way to get past those things that are holding us back from discovery. It's all important as we prepare to establish a foundation for our Spiritual Path. Once we are ready, great compassion arises and we give ourselves a break, we establish Bodhicitta, then build it in the most strong way possible, by simply looking at everything as realistically as possible.
Thank you for your message. I hope my diatribes or questions inspire you to say whatever... I respect you and understood the concept, "be a light unto yourself," Lao Tzu and other things...lazy, hedonistic...but "spiritual" in my own way...
But finally, when I stop drinking or "taking/seeking enjoyment in life"...
On one hand, "I'm here," so "live it up," but then it's all zero in the end...
"Die before you die," but can you call this inspirational? Lol
Reality OMG basically?
Death bardo... So it's all not dust and nothing... So then?...
Thank you for listening 🙏.
I have a life path 33 number and all kinds of things as if...I'm a Master ... But anyway, I never stop learning important things ...
I have called myself J Buddha or even Masta Buddha -- well, an aspiration anyway ...
My search into "what is this life" has been exceptional. But while I want to help others, I think, "my hands are empty."
And, psychedelic investigation included ... I had a "death experience," once upon a time, feeling some "heaviness," then feeling - AND resisting - a kind of going into a void, my identity being stripped away....and thinking "even if I survive this - this is *not good* and I will be actually finished eventually ... Profound sickness, etc ... But having some communion with the birds and poetics later ...
And then, another time, just a really strong feeling if merging with everything, but at the same time "I want to be me, this individuation...". I could imagine "blissful merging," but I want to be ME still...
For background I was a student of philosophy academically, and in life, and my grades were perfect, and I've been rebellious...so I've had some glimpses, sense that "oneness" is the culmination...(But dust to dust or light unto light?)...either way, my individuation -- as strong as it is, de-countrinized and un-doctrinated...will be lost.
But my hands are empty. A bit of frisson, yes, a bio-electricity...moreso when I'm not inebriating myself...
But the whole meditation thing or "I have to do something"...hmmm
You seem to remember being a frog...wow...I can't even remember my own/this life in immaculate detail...
I decided that memories were not something important to hold on to and to be a kind of Jedi in the present moment, and yes I have done well in unorthodox ways ...
But always seeking after wisdom...
From a previous one of yours...I'll check again, etc ... I want to believe that everything is ok in the end. Of course when we look around it is animals eating each other and human hostility...each against the other... can't we all just get along? And if only everyone was like me in the important respects.
The "concept" of "doing meditation" makes sense, but at the same time "who wants to do that?"
But it seems important to become familiar or adjusted to nothing in particular, non-craving and abidingness, even in a zero-ness..
As I hope to stop (again) drinking alcohol. I know, bad habit. Not helpful.
But then, I can think, but what does it matter, so it's all a bit complicated.
You recently said something, this too, that spoke directly to me. I was made aware of death and was a "pastor's kid" from the beginning, and I have been absolutely preoccupied with death and meaning my whole life, with grand ideas, too, of being a "spiritual leader," lol. But not laughing
The dark road of philosophy, in the quest for wisdom, not based on "wishful thinking," led to and concluded more or less with Arthur Schopenhauer/Real Skeptics (as in "I don't know," not cynical).