Motivation

2023, May, Issue 44

What am I doing here?  This is a question that I often ask myself when I am about to sit at my desk to write, or am about to give a talk.  What is my motivation?  Just what do I think I will accomplish by giving talks to a few people here or there, writing a few books, creating this or that, or writing an article from time to time?  Sometimes this motivation is tinged with a sense of futility.  Futility gnaws at me.  Am I helping?

Even before my death, I realized that I needed to walk away from all the futility and busy nonsense.  I needed to get serious about awakening.  Fear would do me no good; and, I realized that the rat race was all about being frightened into doing what was not natural or good; or, it was about chasing some carrot that will never materialize.  Hope and fear, it’s just pure futility, a rather common way to squander what is most precious.

It became abundantly clear that societal norms were all about wasting our lives away, about doing someone else’s bidding, about making ourselves irrelevant, or even more confused about just what we are doing here.  I could see this quite clearly; and, so, I let go.  I needed to be courageous.  I needed grit.  I needed to cultivate this attitude of enlightened mind, by not living in a state of mind that is constrained by futility.  I prepared myself for death through years of meditation and study, as well as by simply getting my priorities in line.  I let go of conventional norms, giving up what was expected of me, seeking only what could truly help anyone.

I prepared for death by seeking out teachings that could help me see just what is going on here.  Many Buddhist teachers appeared in my life, just at the perfect time.  I began cultivating Bodhicitta, becoming extraordinarily committed to this idea of awakening.  My heart and mind began to open as I let go.  I remained steadfast in my devotion, creating a resolve that could not be broken.  Awakening itself became my motivation.

In time, my heart and mind opened enough so that I could receive Dzogchen teachings, by being introduced to the Nature of Mind.  This was phenomenal, really fantastic.  Conceptual practices of meditation became secondary, as now it became possible to remain in a state of rigpa, which is non-dual awareness. 

My death experience was amazing.  It is no wonder that I was propelled immediately into the light of Dharmakaya for an eternity.  Having the resolve to not give up under any circumstances, facing anything with courage, developing a sort of supernatural level of perseverance, which is another way of saying sisu, as I cultivated this enlightened mind attitude, opened up my heart and mind.  Bodhicitta dispelled futility.  Bodhicitta was the key to everything.

So, I’ve discussed the intention behind my first book, Timeless Luminosity.  It was to inspire people to awaken, to be on a Spiritual Path, to get serious about our real condition, as well as to see how the death bardo is not separate from where we are already.  The poetry, as it is tied to the few chapters of prose regarding my death experience, is meant to inspire people to be on a Spiritual Path, in order to awaken.  My motivation with that book is to help people awaken.

I’ve also discussed the intention of my second published book, The Frog: A Spiritual Autobiography, Spanning Many Lifetimes, as being all about having confidence.  People need confidence, in order to awaken.  This is important to know that you, no matter who you are, have the potentiality to awaken.  You just need the confidence to proceed on your own Spiritual Path.  By painting a picture of my entire Spiritual Path over many lifetimes, it gives people a wide perspective, an impressionistic view of just what a Spiritual Path may mean.  My motivation with that book is to help people awaken.

My motivation for returning to a life was to help people awaken.  It’s the only thing that has any value, and it’s what I want to give by living again.  Everything else is just a temporary figment of our imagination, not worth anything at all, just a speck of dust floating in the wind.  A life spent courageously awakening is a life well-lived.  All else is just clutter and nonsense, leading to more of the same angst and suffering for all eternity. 

When I’m done with my tasks in life, having never received validation or accolades of any kind for all that I do, without wealth or fame, I will know that I did my best to help people awaken.  What people do with that free gift, that fruit of my motivation, whether they keep doing as they were doing or whether these teachings become a catalyst for awakening, is their business.  Just know that I have given freely of myself.  I’ve given freely of what I know to be true and helpful, without any sort of selfish motivation, without the sort of misdirection all humans contend with every day.

My motivation is to help people awaken.

My motivation is to help people awaken.

My motivation is to help people awaken.

Blessings in Light,

Robert Aho