Ugly Horrible Unreality

2024, October, Issue 119

When I think about all the appearances,

Looking at the world around me, sensing that,

When I forget that I’m not real, just a spark,

Just, just a, an apparition really, a

Figment of my own imagination

Materialized from all these appearances;

All these illusions are just,

Are just figments of this wandering mind;

Then, looking, I see, I see with unbridled clarity

All these ugly horrible manifestations

That happen in this unreal world,

Seeing others causing pain,

War, poverty, all that useless nonsense,

All that turmoil of ego inflicting itself,

Inflicting all that delusion,

All that cruelty, and hysterics,

all that ugly ugly ugly,

I am instantly depressed;

Here they are picking at each other,

There they are

Attacking anyone they can,

and everyone,

Looking for any excuse, any excuse

to cause great harm and suffering,

Not knowing, not knowing, not knowing,

Seeking ways to climb that useless pecking order,

Tearing each other down within this turbulence,

Sabotaging each action, each dream;

I think about all that evil bad behavior,

And I want to cry, because, because,

Because it tears at bright compassion itself,

It creates pockets of darkness

where there should be light, where there should be compassion

as well as this aspiration to awaken;

This unrelenting cruelty spins on forever,

It emphasizes this cruel world’s only purpose,

That is to create perpetual suffering, to trap

All these Sleeping Buddhas, to bind us

Within a nightmare forevermore;

This is what people do, what all beings do

Who serve the demon of this existence,

They inflict their own ego, inflicting dark delusion,

Inflicting insult to injury, instigating sorrow,

Tremendous trauma, constant angst, terrible anger,

all this vicious attacking, that pointless bickering,

all the unnecessary pain and suffering forever; 

Others wear me out, as I watch in horror,

With tears in my eyes, I watch,

even though I know these deluded beings are not real;

Such thoughts cast me down into a deep dark oblivion

A depression where I have nowhere else to go

Where nothing is ever right, no matter what;

If I think about them being real, I’m doomed in that way,

and I want to scream at the top of my lungs;

So, then I shake off this doom with a laugh,

Casting aside this useless gloom, this ignorant twitch,

this distraction filled with horribleness; 

There are no others, no others that are real,

No others that exist outside of this

Dark fabrication, this depressing impulsive mood;

Our real nature is what we share, what we are

What we truly share, being all one

in this vast bright field of what is,

As it is, just mind and the Nature of Mind;

Within this realization, self and other dissipates,

Such nonsense vanishes into bright light,

duality utterly dissolves into inexplicable light,

memories of self and other disintegrate

into no more than a trace, the essence

of what was once a bad memory,

something to be utterly cast aside; 

In this way, we can shine brightly once again,

We can shine brightly, very brightly;

We do not need to give up

Or lose heart, or lose compassion,

Or think that all of this is real,

As this ugly horrible dream is not real,

It only seems that way, we only imagine that;

I and we together can directly experience what is,

As it is, as this illusion becomes revealed;

We can know that we can know now, we can

Remain within light, creating the causes for

great compassion, now and forever,

we can awaken together in the

All Good.

A poem by Robert Aho © 2024

I am reminded every now and again about traumas that I’ve experienced in life.  If I truly thought that they were real, for even one moment, I would be unable to sustain Bodhicitta.  This is why meditative practice is so crucial.  That is why we remain present within our own awareness.  This is why developing a strong foundation of Bodhicitta is essential.  We need to see things as they actually are, not in ways that create more trauma through our disturbing emotions and ego. 

If we wish to awaken, we must develop a strategy for dealing with our pain and suffering.  When we let our ego get the better of us, we end up fixating on what is not real, we end up losing our focus and determination.  Pain gets the better of us in this ugly unreality.

Ultimate Reality is real, nothing else can ever be as real.  With this door open, we can practice knowing that we will know that bright light through our own awakening.  This world becomes less heavy, less oppressive and disturbing.  Clarity begins to manifest, rather than more delusion.

When we delve into deeper meditative practices, it is essential to observe thoughts and emotions, remaining present in that, without making them bigger than they are.  We must observe carefully, remaining present in all that appears, without judging, simply remaining relaxed, investigating thoughts and emotions without becoming attached.  Be careful that you do not become overwhelmed.  Meditation is not for wimps.  Many give up entirely too easily.  If we wish to awaken, we must establish Bodhicitta.  Within this is some idea of our illusory field.  If we can establish presence, then we awaken.

Blessings in Light,               

Robert Aho