Falling Down

2024, May, Issue 99

So, here I am, here I am,

I got my wish, most unwelcome,

          that wish I did not want,

I’m in the West;

So, I have returned

returned to this multi-lifetime practice,

to this same place I was,

once again, yet far away;

So, I decided to sing my song, at last,

loudly, at the top of my lungs,

obnoxiously, as beings slumber

in the darkness of delusion;

So, here I am, present but far away,

hated for bringing such cacophony

to this slumber of beings

who just want a moment . . . of peace;

So, Ultimate Bodhicitta is my motivation, my intention,

          and it will wake you from your slumber,

                    and you will curse at that noise, you will curse

                              curse, curse, curse curse curse

                              curse that song in that bright

dull darkness

that world

of delusion.

HO HO HO!

A poem from, The Frog: A Spiritual Autobiography, Spanning Many Lifetimes, pp. 99-100, © 2021.

I don’t want to give people the impression that I’ve always done things perfectly, and that is why I had a most perfect Near Death Experience.  Becoming the Light of Dharmakaya instantly is really not so amazing, if we understand that we are already that inexplicable light.  In the prose that immediately follows this poem, I explain:

“I had no intention of continuing with my plans from two lifetimes ago, my intentions to help others to awaken.  When my heart broke, I gave up on that in that lifetime.  I didn’t ever want to come here again to this horrid place, this world of such stupidity and ignorance, this dull darkness.  I was resigned to just letting things take their course, without my input.  I no longer wanted to bring the Buddhadharma to anyone, not in the East nor in the West.”

Sometimes we fall down.  There’s nothing that we can do about that.  We don’t see it coming.  People close to us attack us at our heart center, people we trusted, people with whom we shared our deepest secrets.  They break our heart.

This is an essential lesson that we really need to understand.  It is related to meditative practice, this time when we look within, this time we examine mind.  When we are part of a community, there is an extreme danger we face, while looking outwardly, when childish, jealous, angry people sometimes reveal themselves.  This can be anybody, a fellow student, a teacher, family, friends of any sort; and, when it happens, we trip and fall.  It may make us angry or it may break our heart.

In this lifetime, I have learned once again that I need to cultivate self-reliance.  Even though I have been a Dzogchen practitioner in previous lifetimes, as well as this lifetime, I need to step carefully through my life, if I wish to bring benefit to others.  In the insane asylum, we can’t expect the lunatics to be happy about us bringing benefit to all.  They’re thoroughly in love with their own insanity, even though they may complain quite often.  We must tread lightly, often with complete anonymity.

It is as if we are a wave in a vast ocean that has broken, suddenly becoming very bright, as we spread into rainbow light.  That is our lifetime, that is this death bardo.  Did we not notice that?

We must investigate mind in order to see that, in order to be aware of this motion, this energy, this temporary situation that we find ourselves in.  We learn who we really are, we don’t look to other waves for answers.  That’s a good lesson to learn.  It will help us to expect a broken heart.  It will prepare us for dealing with all the lunatics who think that this life is real.

So, and this is very important, when you listen to my talks or read what I have written, don’t place me on some pinnacle or place my image on an altar.  Don’t take my word for anything!  I’m simply giving you a little bit of help, maybe a few tools that you can use.  There’s nothing to it.

Cultivate Bodhicitta at all times.  Don’t look outside of yourself!  Question everything I say!

I say this because we aren’t always seeing things clearly.  If I say something that is not understood at first, it could break your heart.  I don’t want to ever do that.  Please look within for the answers you seek, for wisdom beyond measure.

It is true that we can and will experience our Real Essence within the death bardo.  It is, however, not something that you will even notice, not unless you have prepared yourself by becoming familiar with mind.  You won’t understand that brilliant light, unless you have generated Ultimate Bodhicitta by simply recognizing the Nature of Mind.

If you fall down along the way, don’t worry about it.  You can transform that.  It doesn’t mean that you have failed and now you must give up.  It only means that you are remaining in light and now you had the illusion that you stumbled and fell, or that your heart was broken.  It’s probably something that you should laugh about.  Tears actually miss the point.

Remember, you have infinite potentiality, life is an illusion, time doesn’t exist.

Blessings in Light,               

Robert Aho